


Unmöglich

by orphan_account



Category: Dark (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance, Spoilers, i wrote this because i was upset
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-18
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2019-03-06 09:16:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13408125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Jonas is not in love.





	Unmöglich

(Jonas is in love.)

He tells himself he’s not—that he can’t be. Not with her. Not with Martha.

Not with his fucking  _aunt_ , of all people.

He was never in love. Not when he saw her with Bartosz at school, with his arm draped over her shoulder, and Martha's stare said that she was somewhere else entirely.

Not when Bartosz told him that Martha hadn’t been picking up her phone, and Jonas remembered the call he purposely neglected, leading him to wonder, _Why me?_

Not when he watched “Ariadne” recite her monologue of fate and invisible bonds, looking exquisite in her white dress and with her stark red lips—or when Martha’s eyes met Jonas’ from across the auditorium and lingered there for much too long, and though it made the back of his neck prickle with heat he returned her gaze because he wanted her to know that he was watching, and that he cared.

He was not in love when he sought her in the dressing room shortly after and congratulated her on her performance. Or when he presented his secrets to her, baring his insecurities because he was finally ready to be honest and needed to ask  _why him_  and not Bartosz. The answer he received was a kiss that made him melt away, left him longing for more even before their lips were apart—had them reaching for each other, bodies pressed close together and still pulling closer because they had wanted this for so long—

 _No!_ He was not,  _is_  not in love! He cannot be, not with her. Because even though everything feels so right it’s all so goddamn  _wrong_ —Jonas is wrong, his existence is wrong, who’s related to who and who’s doing who is all so crazy fucked-up that he can’t think straight. When he returns to his present from 1986 he knows everything he doesn’t want to. He walks home alone. His head is spinning but he’s thankful that the roar of the heavy rain and the clicking of his bike in tow are there to drown out some of the loneliness ringing in his ears until…

Martha.

He doesn’t want to talk. He can’t talk—she’d think him a lunatic. He can’t say what he wants to but he says that he was wrong. It was wrong. They were a mistake. But why is it, then, that when her lips find his again his own move of their own accord, that everything  _feels_ right—that if anything, he feels as though he is living for  _this_?

The kiss ends as fast as it started, but Jonas remains still, as if the small prayer in the depths of his soul could be heard by the masters of time and magically change his life into something that makes  _sense_  for once.

But nothing happens, and the moment Jonas opens his eyes his heart crumbles to pieces, as though a painful, gaping hole had taken the place of his lungs. He stares into Martha’s eyes as they desperately search his for something he doesn’t know. But when he looks at Martha now, all he sees is his aunt. She asks if this is wrong, and Jonas’ mind tells the hopeless rage in his chest to shut up because he knows—he  _knows_ —that this  _is_  wrong, and they can’t be together.

He cannot bring himself to say aloud, “I am not in love with you,” as much as he wills it to be true. Instead, he says, “I’m sorry,” and hopes it suffices.


End file.
